I want to cry...

I've been doing pretty good so far. I haven't lost so much weight, but I haven't gained any and that's the important thing. It's been a crazy week so far, cuz we're having our whole house remodeled. There's dust and crap everywhere and between my eccentric working schedule and scrubbing the house up and down, I've been busy as can be. Had a mini binge yesterday (the 1st in a week and a half), but i managed to work it off so i didn't gain anything.. whooopie!!!
But right now I'm misserable and it all started with a phone call...

Dad - "(Polite niceties and blah blah)Can we meet up and talk sometime? "
Me - "Okaaaay, sure." (Thinking : This better not be what i think it's about)
Dad - "Well why don't you just drop by my office and we'll talk."

Ok, so the 1st part of the conversation is all fine, buisness work related type stuff and then..

"People have noticed you've stopped eating again. We know you have a problem with this Anorexia thing."

DAMN IT!!!!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!! I'm sorry but i just can't deal with all this food crap now. I have enough going on in my own life without you stepping in and trying to "fix me". Sorry, it's to late for that. I'm too fucked up right now, and I'm trying to make due with what i have. If you care about me just let me live my life.
And i hate when they talk about anorexia. It makes me feel like some kind of psycho, criminal person. They say that word with so much spite, it makes me sound like i have a problem with compressively murdering people or something.
To be honest i don't think of myself as "anorexic", I don't take pride in that title. I have issues with eating, sure, but I feel like I'm still in control of them. And it makes me happy to eat the way i do. I don't have to think about it anymore, it's just so easy. I'm going to try to patch up this situation best I can. Eat some meals with them, cook food that i don't eat and try to look "normal", but if that doesn't work....

I will become anorexic, and i mean the freaky type you see in documentaries. I won't eat a God damn thing, I'll throw up anything they force feed me and I'll exercise all night if i have to. Enough is enough.


I have so much on my mind right now... I just want to break down and cry