I miss my computer!!!!

I miss my computer! I can't blog nearly as much as i want to, because right now I'm kind of dependent upon the generosity of my friends to lend me there's. At least i discovered a wonderful new feature of Google Chrome called incognito window. Basically whatever i brows on this window doesn't appear on history, doesn't save cookies and all that great stuff. Because to be honest i really don't feel like having people i know finding out about this blog. OMG they would totally freak out. It makes me smile just thinking about it.
So the last few days have been very good, i have to say. I was fasting, so i had 2 coffee's each day and that's it. So that's 40 cal in 2 days. Not bad eh?
I realized just how much i love being in control. God i missed this feeling. I realized just how far i slipped because of this recovery. My problem is i look at what other people are eating and i tell myself, well, it's not making them fat, it shouldn't make me fat either. Well this is not at all the case. For one, they're not trying to lose weight, i am. For two, they don't starve themselves so they don't ever binge- i do. And for three, my metabolism is absolute crap right now so even if they wouldn't gain weight from what i'm eating, i will. Isn't it just so unfair that people who eat normally can eat 1000- 1500 cal a day and not gain a thing, whereas i gain after 800 cal if i don't work out? Seriously unfair I tell you.

Right now I'm pretty chipper and happy, because I ate a bowl of oatmeal (100 cal) and i had a coffee and I'm feeling pretty energetic. I mean, last night i was almost ready to pass out i was feeling so weak from fasting. But i was a trooper and got in my hour of work out (although it was much less strenuous then other days) So yay for me. And i lost a grand total of 4 lbs over these two days so that's nice too. I just need to keep this God damn weight down, because i tend to binge after fasting. But i have to say i feel pretty in control today, so I'm not too scared. I'm trying not to top 500 cal food intake and get one kick ass workout in and then I'll be happy. I'm running around with a chicken without a head these days, I'm so busy. But busy is good because it keeps me from eating and it keeps others from feeling they have to see me eat :D. It's so easy to lie about my intake these days. People have been asking me what I've been eating and why they never see me and i just brush them off with a "Well I'm so busy that i have to eat when i can, i can't come to joint meals and stuff because i just have so much work". And who's gonna argue with that, because it's the truth. I try to make it to joint meals at least 2 a week when i can regulate what i'm eating. If today goes according to plan i will have 1\2 a cup of boiled chicken breast in a salad and a slice of whole wheat bread (if it's a dire necessity). I'll make a bog show of eating in front of everybody, and that should appease the masses. Plus, if i wanna have a good work out i need some fuel, no way around it. Coffee is awesome, but i need a little more then that for the kind of exercise that i do. Ok, i need to get back to studying, just wanted to share my good mood with everyone. Keep up the good work people!