I'm an emotional wreck.

Hmmm, I'm pretty sure the title speaks for itself. The last few days I've been depressed, which should explain my lack of writing. As far as eating goes, I binged on Friday (damn my depression and stress) but the rest of the time was pretty good. I've started posting my calorie counts because it helps me see how i do in the long run, so i don't get lazy.

As far as being emotional, I'm sure most people can guess why. My boyfriend has been extra assoholic to me, and then to top it off today he announced he was leaving to the States . And it hit me in a very funny way. As long as i don't see him, I'm perfectly content with his descision. I don't even really think about it. But as soon as i see him I feel really sad. It's weird, because I don't mind him leaving. It's just the way he makes me feel like it's my fault, that I messed up his chances here, and that I'm the one to blame. That's what's really bothering me. The truth is I really do care about him (I'm probably one of the few people that does) and then he doubts that and twists my words and makes everything I do into something evil and malicious. He's somehow gotten into his head that I'm cheating on him with this one guy, which he has NO basis for whatsoever. Still, he refuses to believe me and whenever he sees me even talking to this guy, he throws a huge tempter tantrum. Today I was out in town and at a kids party, so I didn't see him much. Then when I get home he's wants to have sex. Ok, fine, whatever - I didn't really care. Actually wait, i did care. As a matter of fact I really didn't want to, but I didn't want to have to deal with the drama that would occur if i refused. But I hate it when he touches me when I'm depressed or angry. I know he's only thinking about himself, because he knows that I don't like to do anything sexual when I'm depressed. Anyways afterward he's all like, well maybe I'll stay. I hate that more then anything else. If you're only after sex just LEAVE. I'm not your whore. Gosh, I feel so cheap when he does that. I wish there was a way to put it into words.


As far as food goes, I'm pretty proud of myself. I ate exactly what I planned, when i planned. I actually had to go to this kids party, and there was all this food there, but all i had were 4 strawberries, which is pretty good all in all. I'm happy, because a lot of my cravings are virtually at 0. I feel really boated and fat right now, even though technically I have no reason to, because I usually feel this gross only after a binge. But as long as I keep up with my control I should be losing all that nasty weight in no time. Ok, I'm gonna go mow the lawn for exersise. Stay strong all!!!