Finnaly losing.

Ok so the lst few days I've been busy, busy, busy - so I've had no time to blog. But busy is good, because it keeps me away from the most dreaded thing in the world... FOOD. I'm actually doing exeptionaly well this week, don't want to get to confident though, because I can still binge at any given moment. But right now my control is great and I'm happy.

Oh, and I finnaly bought a scale. That is really GREAT motivation for me, because I'm perpetualy scared of that number going up, so I'm very concious of what i do or don't eat. I weighed in this morning and I was down to 97 lbs. You guys have no idea how awesome that is. As a matter of fact, it's my lowest weight ever. I was ecctatic when I weighed 99 about 2 days ago, but this is just awesome. I'm kind of surprised to be honest, because I didn't get to work out the other day, and my mind is conditioned to think that if i don't work out, I won't lose. But I did, and it's a great feeling.

And my mom is officialy convinced that I am an anorexic. She sent me all these links to sites about anorexia, the dangers and what not. I wish I could tell her "Look, mom, I can recite all these things to you by memory. I KNOW I'm anorexic, but there's nothing I can or want to do about it at this point." I wish people would just leave me alone. Yeasterday my dad made me eat breakfast with him. I really didn't want to so i drank some green tea, told him I was feeling sick, took my food to my room and disposed of it. But I think I'm going to assign 2 days a week that I eat a little bit more food, but really healthy stuff, just so people see that I'm eating. My roomate is being all bitchy to me about my weight loss. Right now I'm almost thinner then her, and I feel like she's jelouse. She keeps telling me "You look so much better a little bit bigger." Yeah, that's what you want me to think bitch, because then you know that you'll get all the attention for being thin. But I told her yeasterday point blank that my eating habits are a personal thing and that if I want to be thin it's my choice. She kinda shut up after that, which is great.

Yeasterday i discovered a social acitivity without calories involved. A few friends and I went out to a "tea house". It's a very hippy, trippy, oriental type of place - right up my alley. We sat there for about 2 hours just drinking tea (no sugar or milk or anything) and enjoying the atmosphere. It was really enoyable because the lights were real low, we sat on carpets on the floor, there was music playing in the back, insense, candles- the whole deal. Everyone was really relaxed and calm. We actually had this one tea that we didn't order, but the waitress was so stoned she brought it to us anyways. It had a bit of milk and sugar in it, so I tried to get out of drinking it. But they made me have half a cup or something. Anyways, it tasted sooooo good. I'm not sure what it was made of, but it any case it made everyone a little bit high. For about 2 hours after that my senses were all enhanced and it was great :D. Anyhow that was my tea house experience, and from now on if i feel the need to be "social" I'll just go there.

It's only the begining of the day, and I really don't want to see the numbers on that scale going any higher. So wish me luck everyone and think thin!!!