These past weeks have really been a journey of tears for me. There are days that i feel almost happy with myself, and i can eat healthy. Then there are days i binge and hate myself for days afterwards. But I'm constantly hiding behind a mask. I'm trying to keep calm, but my insides are screaming. I officialy confirmed that i gained 8 lbs since all this hell started. It doesn't matter how much a work out, i still can't eat even "healthy" foods and not gain. To top it off I'm going on a trip to see my friends in 5 days, and i'm a fat whale. I'm going to try to eat 500 cal every day till i go, and hopefully I'll lose some weight.
Right now I just feel like there's no point, because I'm just so horredously fat. I feel like i have no more tears to cry anymore, it's all locked inside. There's nothing to smile or laugh about anymore. It's just pain, pain and more pain.
In any case, I'll try to blog when I can. In the meatime keep your fingers crossed for me. Maybe someday the sun will shine again.
Oh Babes....okay 8 pounds.....I'm sure you still look amazing though. Try to keep your chin up. Love you lots.
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