Time to take life back into my own hands.

Enough! Enough! ENOUGH!!!!
No more of this whiny "everyone please feel sorry for me" bull crap. No more snacking because "people are watching me" stuff. No more "I won't work out because I'm too tired". No more MIA "Oh, i can throw this up after I eat it". No more 5 laxatives a day. Being out of control is out the window. I've had my eating "fun" and i have a belly to show for it. But just like I can gain i can also lose, it IS possible. I'm not weighing in just yet, because I can't afford to have another depression attack. I know I've gained at least 4 lbs since last weigh in but fuck it. I can lose that in 4 days if i eat and exercise right. I've done it before and i can do it again.

I am NOT weak and out of control. I am strong and i can handle this. I can handle anything life throws my way. I don't need someone to baby me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I don't need anyone or anything - just control. As long as i have that, everything will be ok.

From now on till i get back on track I'm going to be posting everything that I've eaten for the day. It'll keep me motivated and hopefully in control. I can do this.


Ok so so far today:

10 grapes- 40 cal
a bit of oatmeal and rasisins - 100 cal
random crap here and there (2 bites non-fat yogurt, half a banana)- 80 cal
1 black cofee- 0 cal

total - 220

If i eat anything more it will be an apple or a non-fat yogurt. I'm going to try to get by eating nothing though, we'll see how that works out.

I'm going to try to do a liquid fast tomorrow and we'll see how that goes. Might not work out, I've got the family over. In any case wish me luck girlie's and please believe in me (because despite my positive post I'm having a hard time believing in myself right now).