Im so tired of all this.

Whisk me away, carry me away from all this pain, all this anger, all this confusion.

Surprise weigh in again - lost 0.5 since they last weighed me. I managed to drink some water, but not enough. IF it had been a few days earlier i would have gained. If it had been even earlier they would have seen i lost 1 kg. Damn life! Why couldn't they have weighed me in Tuesday morning AFTER my binge. They would have seen those numbers gone up and been happy, now they're pissed as hell, and I just don't want to have to deal with it.

I had a depression attack over eating 150 cal worth of fruit. That's right- fruit. I worked out 2 hrs. If i had known there was a weigh in, i wouldn't have. I was actually planning to work out more, but i didn't. Good thing to, or maybe not. But if i feel that way about fruit, what about normal food.


I don't know anymore. Today is going to be full of drama, i can feel it. I just hope i manage not to binge.





Update:

No exercise, no cooking for myself, no counting calories, no losing weight.
The alternative - treatment in a hospital.


My life just fell apart. Dealing with this is going to be impossible. My eyes are red and puffy from crying.

Need to buy some laxatives, need to exercise for hours at night. Need to find a way to cheat the system without them knowing.

Oh, and they weighed me on a broken scale, which means that I'm probably heavier then the number.
I already purged once today.


My life is going to pot.