It happened, it was only a matter of time.
My depression kicked in,so bad it's leaving me reeling.
I've been binging and purging since my second "intervention" and I've finnaly gained noticeable weight and it hit me today like a ton of bricks. And I can't say "oh, it's ok, I'll lose it" because i can't.
I want to blame somebody. I want to say it's my friends and families fault for caring so much about what i do or don't eat. But it's not them, it's me. It's because i don't have enough self control to stop eating. It's because i allow myself to actually enjoy food. It's because i purge and i figure because of that I'm losing weight. Earth to me, purging does NOT make you lose weight. CONTROL is the ONLY thing that will allow me to attain perfection.
I still need to eat dinner tonight and just thinking about it is making me panicky. I just want to sleep off this depression. I want to fast for 3 days and not have anyone care. I want to fly away and leave all this behind.
Sorry for whining, i needed to get that out. Starve well everyone and enjoy your hunger, because it's something that i can only dream about right now.
About Me
- slowly fading
- Fairies and nymphs, water and sunlight, control and satisfaction, happiness and perfection.
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Oh hunni find hope! You're so skinny! It won't make too much difference. You'll be able to fast soon.... and you can be empty again.
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