1st time in a loooooong time

Ok, so this is the 1st time in ages i'm writing anything here. I guess i figured that no one bothers to read what i write, so why write it? But right now im in the mood to share something with the world, so here im writing.
The trip was absolutely awesome, undoubtedly one of the best times in my life. Of course, it was peppered with binges and panic attacks. But i had a scale and i worked out as much as i could, so overall it was ok.
But then as soon as i get home, my world comes crashing down all around me. I binge for 3 days straight and don't work out, so naturally i gain God knows how much and look like crap. Turns out that even though i didn't gain a lot of weight on the trip, i did lose a lot of muscle, so right now i'm fat AND flabby. I haven't looked this bad in i don't know how long, and i'm desperatly fighting to cut down to "normal size". Only one problem - after eating "normally" for a while it's hard to go back. But i will do this, no matter what it takes. I just need to keep myself from binging and then everything should be ok. Oh, and one more thing.
Because I'm nice and fat now I'm officialy considered recovered so i can slowly go back to my old ways. Can't lose weight too fast, or alarm bells will go off some people heads. But i really do need to get back to where i was before all this started. So if anyone has any tips about how to appear "normal" and what not to do, i would really appreciate it. Anyways most of these days im very depressed over how i look, so i need to fight that, because there's nothing as detrimental to my progress as depression. Then i feel like eating and not exersising - the 2 worst things in the world. Ok well today all i had to eat was:
1,5 cups watermelon
1 carrot,
1 tsp corn
Of course, not all days will be like this, today no one was around to critique my eating habits. I just can't give up no matter how hard it gets, and eventually i will reach my goals (God, that sounds so much more hopefull then i feel right now.)