Don't we all just love our families?

The truth is that i do love my family, a little bit too much maybe. That's probably why I'm so tense when I'm around them, because I'm always afraid that we'll have some kind of food confrontation. And the truth is i can't really be mad at them because i know that they're just concerned and want to make sure I'm ok. They don't know that it's not possible for me to accept the way i am, it's just not. I can't live with fat, i can't even live with avarage - i need thin. Anyways, soon I'll be seeing less and less of them, as soon as the school year starts actually, so that should be ok.
Today i had a mini confrontation with my mom. What i hate most about these confrontations is that they're never really full blown, it's just this tense kind of vibe thing. Anyways, our confrontation was over something really stupid. There were a bunch of muffin type things on the counter, and my brother couldn't deside which one he wanted (there was chocolate and vanilla). Anyhow, out of the kindness of my heart i said he could have mine, so that he could try both. And my mom gives me this dirty look and says "Why don't you want one?". I really wanted to tell her that i was fat enough as is, and i didn't need a bunch of empty calories to widen my already huge thighs, or add some more flab on my stomache or ass. But all i said was "Because they don't look apetizing." She kind of left it at that, but i could tell she was pissed. What the hell do they want from me? I'm already bending over backward just to keep the peace. Sometimes i just want to run away screaming and tell them to LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I'm tired of them constantly asking if and what i ate, or reminding me to eat more starch or whatever. ARGH!!!!

Well today was ok so far. I had to cook which is something i hate doing, because i usually end up snacking on what i cook. It's actually mainly because i want to make sure it tastes good, because i already have the reputation as a "good cook" and for some weird reason i don't want to skrew that up. Oh, and I'm trying to eat a bigger meal every 2 days so people stay off my back. All together i ended up eating around 335 cal today, which isn't horrible. It's not the best I've done, but I'll try to keep it at that. I had a good work out, and if i don't eat anything more I'll be ok.

I guess that's it for now, I hope that no one will force me to eat before tonight and that i somehow manage to keep the peace with my family. Think thin all!!!