I think the title says it all. I really wish my computer was up and running so i could post and write as often as i like. This way i actually have to go out of my way to get to a computer, and that sucks.
So let's see... did anything noteworthy happen since my last post. Nothing really, been studying my ass off for exams and assignments that were due this weekend. Trying to maintain my weight (which is amazingly working at the moment)and getting my control back. I managed to get by with only 335 cal today (high estimate) so that's actually not too bad. I had a weigh in too, which i managed to fake. So according to everyone i gained 0.8 kg. In reality i lost 1 kg since last weigh in. Of course, now it gets more tricky. I'm making an "eating plan" tonight, hopefully i won't have to follow it too strictly. People are busy and so am I, I can't constantly be obsessing about food.
Gosh, i feel so tired these days for some reason. It's weird because I've upped my calorie intake significantly, and haven't really been working out. Oooh, except for Friday when i got in 1 1/2 hours. That rocked!!! Then yesterday i was allowed to do 30 min on the stationary bike - yay for me!
I watched "Thin" the other day while working out. To be honest, it bothered me a little. I see myself in some of those girls, the way they think and act. I know I suffer from an eating disorder, but i feel like at least I'm fighting it. I AM eating, and trying to be as healthy as i can. But i could be pushed over the brink and that scares me. I'm trying to keep up with two different lives, and it's so God damned tiring at times. But the thought of gaining weight and recovery puts me into a panic attack, I don't know if i could live through that.
Ok, enough rambling, I have a million to-do's before i sleep. Stay strong all!!!
About Me
- slowly fading
- Fairies and nymphs, water and sunlight, control and satisfaction, happiness and perfection.
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You sound better, more active :)
ReplyDeletePlease remember that you can be beautiful, but also healthy at the same time. Do not be frightened of gaining a little weight, I am sure it is actually what you need, you just have to see it for youself. Think of how happy you´ll be when you don´t have to dedicate every single part of your brain to food and just start living. I really wish you manage to recover :)
bye!