I'm going to be venting... so beware!!

Ok, as much as i hate to do this, I'm going to vent. So here goes...
How come there are days when i starve myself and work out like a freak and lose close to nothing? It's so friggen unfair. I mean, you'd think for all the effort my body would at least reward me a little bit. And then the next day when your control is perfect you get forced to eat a peice of pizza with your friends, who go out of their way to throw all your excuses out the window. I better find time to work out today, because otherwise I'm gonna be seriously pissed. I wanted to lose 8 lbs before my trip, and so far I lost 5. I'd better not gain any because of these darling people i live with who are determined to make sure that i stay "nice and FAT" for the rest of my days. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sorry about that, just wanted to get it out. Have a good day all! :D

My definition of a bad day.

Ok so a bad day is when:
- u have perfect control all day and then u make delicious blueberry muffins just because someone asked you to and end up eating 2 of them
- u burn your face with hot butter and sugar while cooking for someone else
- you didn't get to work out
- u stain one of your favorite shirts
How can so many bad things happen to one person in one day?? Well i guess it's better all the bad things happen at once, and not over the course of a couple of days. And in any case, i lost 5 lbs in 4 days (which might change by tomorrow, i hope not)
Hopefully those 2 muffins didn't do too much damage and i hope tomorrow is a better day. Take care all!!!

The sun is shining again.

I don't feel like writing a long post, just thought i'd share my joy with everyone. I'm going to France with some friends, which is the most awesome thing that happened in the world to me. I'm trying to lose some weight before the trip, and so far I've lost 2 lbs. Not much, but it's a start. I just need to keep it kind of low-key, because apparently 2 people i live with know about my problem, but i can find some loopholes around them, as long as i'm careful.
I'm a little bit worried about my trip to France because my friend that knows about my problem told me point blank that i would have to eat with them , or he wasn't going to take me because as he put it "it's painfull watching someone commit slow suicide". He said i can eat as little portions as i want, but i have to eat. The problem with him is that he believes that 60% of your diet should be starch. When i heard that i was like "Okkkkkkkkkkay". They'd better not make me eat like that, it's just insanity. The one good thing is, is that he likes skinny girls, so he's not going to be pushing me to eat more. i just need to find a balance so i can maintain my weight without gaining, or freaking him out. Unfortunaly he's also very close to my parents, so if i do anything to drastic he'll let them know. Argggh.

But anyways I'm going to France and I'm losing weight and it's gonna be fun.

I'll keep you all updated on my weight loss.

Think thin all!

I'm sad

So, I'm feeling really really sad right now -- what else is new?

My trip wasn't as great as i wanted it to be, being back is even harder. I'm trying to fight this depression, trying to drown it out, but it's slowly creaping up on me.

All my clothes look like crap on me, all the guys that i was attracted to and that kind of liked me too are going after other girls, and i feel like I'm about to crack. I'm trying to be strong, trying to make the best of a bad situation

My only hope is that i can regain some kind of balance and control in my life. If not I'm going to... I'm not sure what will happen.

Why can't I just be happy?